Posted on

Pivot -sometimes you have no choice

A couple of years ago, I sat down and wrote about how our actions show that we continue to be enslaved in some way, or maybe not. I spoke about the fact that we are glorifying being overworked and tired and I committed to doing better because my health was at risk.

The universe did not believe I was serious and felt the need to give me a helping hand. On 1st May 2022, I fell. Now the irony of this is that someone had recently asked me about joining the growing craze to rekindle roller skating and I laughed and said: “Not me girl, I can’t take a fall at my age”. Those words were like a challenge to a greater power because a couple of weeks later I fell. Let me say that again….I fell. This is now two years later and I am still reflecting on the lessons learnt.

I fell and that fall cost me four months away from work, thousands of dollars in medical bills and many painfilled days and time, lots of time, spent in physiotherapy. But I also gained a lot. I gained a better appreciation for all that I have. It made me acknowledge that I have a lot. I have my family, my friends, my life.

My organisation did not pause for a moment. But I never expect it to. All of the “critical, urgent and can’t wait, because the world as we know it will collapse, projects” that could only be handled by me……. were either done by someone else or waited until I returned.

My family and friends, on the other hand, came by to be sure that I was managing. Someone did my hair…it was looking a little wild after a while (black girl magic there for sure), someone else brought over meals, and others did my numerous mother/child transportation runs. Still, others checked in to make sure that I was functioning and that my mental health was good.

And as I laid there in the bed/chair/sofa trying to find a comfortable position, I wondered…….What would my future hold if I don’t recover enough to continue doing what I presently do? That is when I saw a meme that said Learn how to Pivot because sometimes you have no choice.

As I reflect on this unexpected journey of recovery, I realize that sometimes life forces us to slow down and reassess our priorities. My fall was a stark reminder that our health and well-being should always come first in a world that often glorifies “busyness” and overwork.

The experience challenged me to confront my own beliefs about productivity and success. Was I truly thriving, or was I merely surviving in a cycle of constant hustle? My injury forced me to pause and acknowledge the toll it was taking on my body and mind.

During those four months of recuperation, I discovered the power of community and support. While my professional responsibilities continued without me, my loved ones rallied around me, offering assistance and encouragement. Their kindness and generosity reminded me of the importance of human connection and empathy.

As I grappled with uncertainty about my future, I stumbled upon a simple yet profound truth: resilience lies in our ability to adapt and pivot when faced with unexpected challenges. Embracing change can be daunting, but it also opens doors to new possibilities and opportunities for growth.

So, as I continue on this chapter in my journey and wait to embark on the next, I carry with me the lessons learned from my fall. I embrace the notion of pivoting with grace and resilience, knowing that even in the face of adversity, I have the strength and support to navigate whatever lies ahead.

Posted on

It is what it is

Embracing “It Is What It Is”: Finding Peace in Acceptance is my new mindset. This is how I plan to move forward this year and one of those steps was to try the new “Chatgpt” that everyone is talking about.

So I asked Chatgpt to draft a blog entry for me on the above topic to see if it could write something that would match my thoughts. Well, it worked and more than anything else right now, I had to say “It is what it is”. So take a read of how the new technology interpreted my notes on the topic.

In a world that often seems to be in constant flux, the phrase “It is what it is” has become a familiar mantra for many. While it might sound like a simple acknowledgment of reality, this expression carries profound wisdom, encouraging us to embrace acceptance and find peace in the midst of life’s uncertainties.

Embracing the Present Moment:

Life is a journey filled with highs and lows, victories, and setbacks. The phrase “It is what it is” invites us to be present in the current moment, accepting circumstances as they unfold. Instead of dwelling on what could have been or what might be, this mindset encourages us to focus on the reality of the here and now.

Finding Strength in Acceptance:

Acceptance does not mean resignation; rather, it is a powerful acknowledgment of our ability to navigate challenges. By accepting a situation for what it is, we free ourselves from the weight of resistance and open up space for resilience and strength to emerge.

Letting Go of Control:

Life is unpredictable, and not everything is within our control. “It is what it is” reminds us to release the grip of control and surrender to the natural flow of life. In relinquishing the need to micromanage every aspect, we discover a sense of freedom that allows us to adapt and grow.

Navigating Change with Grace:

Change is inevitable, and our ability to adapt to it defines our journey. Embracing “It is what it is” serves as a guiding principle in navigating change with grace. Whether faced with unexpected challenges or unforeseen opportunities, this mindset encourages us to approach them with an open heart and a resilient spirit.

Cultivating Mindfulness:

Mindfulness is an integral part of living in the present moment. The acceptance embedded in “It is what it is” encourages mindfulness, urging us to appreciate the beauty of simplicity and the richness of each experience, regardless of its nature.

The Power of Perspective:

Our perspective shapes our reality. Choosing to view situations through the lens of acceptance can transform challenges into opportunities for growth. “It is what it is” prompts us to reframe our mindset, finding silver linings and lessons even in the face of adversity.

In a world that often demands constant adaptation, “It is what it is” emerges as a gentle reminder to approach life with a sense of surrender, resilience, and gratitude. By embracing acceptance, we unlock the door to a more peaceful and fulfilling existence, where the journey is as valuable as the destination.

Posted on

Let’s stop glorifying being overworked

Last year I read an article by Amanda Miller Littlejohn entitled “Black professional women are exhausted. They’re finally claiming the time to rest.” It was in the Washington Post if you wish to look it up.

This article resonated with me and I sat there and thought “yup, we need to do this”. But did I follow that advice? Oh no, because we always feel that we have to prove ourselves. We never learn until it is too late that we can be replaced; be it in our jobs, in our marriages, or even in our friendships if we don’t contribute or add value in some way. But when we spend every possible moment trying to be the best in that role and don’t take care of ourselves and collapse, what then? Or when we spend every moment trying to be everything for everyone and miss the really important things, how do we make up for it?

Two years ago on July 25, I experienced a devastating reality. My mother was taking her last breath and I had spent so much of her last moments trying to finish a work project. I worked from beside her bed so often during that time believing that I was spending time with her, but we did not get to share as much as I wish that we had. I did complete the project, and she did say how proud she was of me, but when she closed her eyes for the final time with me there beside her in her room, all I could think about was the time I had lost. She never saw the end results of the work, never read the newspaper clippings or saw the television coverage but she said she was proud of me. She always gave us unwavering support.

I was exhausted from going to work early in the morning and then heading to her house later to spend time with her and still finish everything needed for work. I had to prove that I could do it all. Inevitably I got sick. But did I listen to my body…of course not. I had things to do, reports to write, projects to complete and I did all of those things while my doctor and my friends and family kept saying “girl you need rest”. But in my head, I kept thinking, “what will people say if I don’t finish this?” No, I have no idea who these people were but somehow they were very important. So I continued without stopping or even resting.

Now we are in 2022 and once again I got sick or is it that I never fully recovered. But this time my doctor indicated that if I did not take care of myself, I could see a stint in the hospital in my future. Once again in my head, I am hearing “girl go to work”; “take the medication and work through this”; “you have things to do”; “if you don’t go to work what will people say”. Now everyone knows that I am one of those people you hear about who will be sending work emails from her hospital bed so receiving calls and emails at all hours is the norm. So when the doctor said I am starting you with two weeks off I wondered if he was mad, but did not say anything because I already had planned to just work from home. Yes, I know that was stupid. But what made me take stock was when my son said to me “you are standing there but you are swaying mummy. I am worried”. Wow. Okay, when the teenage boy is worried, this is not good. So I took the leave and this time I did the unthinkable and turned off my phone and closed my laptop. And the office continued to function, good or bad, it did not close. This was a reality check moment.

Meanwhile, I am at home on medication with my family worried because of the health risks. Why hadn’t I taken a break? It is not as if I don’t have the time accumulated. I have so much time accumulated that this could be a different issue. Not taking leave is not a good management strategy. I guess I had to learn that “Hard ears yuh won’t hear, own way you gine feel“

The absurdity of what was happening in my life finally got through to me. I was making myself sick thinking I had to do it all and when I faltered, things either got handled or they did not but the world had not stopped.

The article that I had read said that Reba Peoples, a psychiatrist and founder of Imara Health and Wellness center in Atlanta who specializes in helping women do this kind of reprogramming, says the inability to rest is equal parts history and science.

“We live in a culture that values productivity, so we’re measured by that capacity to produce,” Peoples said. “But for Black people, that idea goes even deeper because our [enslaved] ancestors were literally valued based on their capacity to produce labor. Not working up to capacity could mean beatings, or you could be sold off and separated from your family. So it was dangerous to rest, and we’ve had that encoded into our DNA.”

Are we still so enslaved? Maybe we are.

So how do we reset? Life is too short to waste. Self-care is such an important part of being the best that you can be. Someone once said that we need to stop glorifying being overworked and tired. This is true more so now than ever. So my new strategy is going to be based on the poem by Erma Bombeck, If I Had My Life to Live Over.

Specifically, these lines which I am taking the liberty to tweak for me:

I will go to be bed when I am sick instead of pretending the world will go into a holding pattern if I am not there – Because it won’t

I will seize every moment, look at it and really see it …..live it and never give it back. Make memories, lots and lots of memories

But most importantly, I will not be worrying about who doesn’t like me, who has more, or who is doing what; although to be truthful I really don’t do this now. But I do intend to spend more time cherishing and appreciating what I already have. Also taking some of that accumulated holiday time so that I can relax, rejuvenate and just rejoice about being alive. I will also spend time getting my health in order.

The office will continue to function as I am really not as necessary as I want to fool myself that I am. If something happens to me that I can’t work, I will be replaced. However, missing moments with my family and friends is something that can never be recovered.

Hoping that you do the same so that we can meet somewhere in the future and celebrate.

Let’s make a memory soon so that we keep our regrets to a minimum.

Bajan Brown Sugar

Posted on

Spontaneity or running away?

Tired and feeling overwhelmed, struggling to function and not wanting to get out of bed.  Are these acceptable signs of depression or just an overworked body?

Recently I was feeling like if it was all too much.  I even asked one of my doctor friends to check me out, physically and mentally.  He did but that is a different story for a different day.  As we say around here it’s all good. But even with that he said, “you are working too hard, you need a break”.  But how do you suddenly take a break? My brain, it appears, does not shut off.  Too many things to monitor and challenges to address. Because we all know that “Cat luck ain dog luck” (meaning because something works for one person, doesn’t mean it will work for another) especially if you are female in a male dominated workplace. 

So, I made a decision to do something about it for me.  After too many days of wondering why…. why can’t you trust the people around you, why must everyone play games and not be upfront, why…just why. And yes I know, everyone says, that this is the behaviour to be expected as people attempt to climb the proverbial corporate ladder, but really…. must it be this way.

I once posted on my social media page the following “You all know that one day I am going to snap right?” and everyone read it and agreed because…let’s be truthful, they know me.  They know that I will only take nonsense from grown-ups for so long before I decide no more.  But no one realised how close to the truth that statement was. I did not realise how close to the truth that statement was.

As I started to see the writing on the wall I decided to step back and take a deep breath.  I also accepted a couple things

  1. Life is not perfect, but if you let it, it is actually alright; and
  2. Learn to be okay with people not knowing your side of the story. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

So, I applied for vacation and booked a trip.  Yes, I know, #Ilivewhereyouvacation but sometimes you need to leave paradise. Am I depressed? No, I am not. Has something different happened? No, same old, same old.  Have I changed in some way? Yes.  I took stock of myself.  My health, my happiness, me.  I finally realised and have accepted (yes accepted, smile) that if I don’t take care of me, I will drown.  I can’t take care of everyone else if I am struggling.  And I was struggling. So, I took off for a few days.

Everyone kept asking “are you ok? How come you just decided to up and go?” The simple answer was “because I needed to”. I am and will remain a dedicated employee, a dutiful wife, a mother, an aunt and a friend. But I can’t survive if I am not taking care of my own wellbeing by trying to be everything to everyone.  So yes, the simple answer was and still is “because I needed to”.  We all hear it so often but females more so than ever “your work/life balance is out of alignment”. So as much as I hear other people say that they will make lifestyle changes at some point in time, either due to health, mental or financial challenges, I decided not me, no, no, no. I am making those changes now.  Bucket list is being written and plans are being made.

Recently I re-read a poem written by the late Erma Bombeck.  Ms Bombeck wrote this poem after she found out that she had cancer.  The poem is entitled “If I had my Life to Live Over”.  Look it up.  In it she said a number of things that resonated with me, but it all came down to these words:

“But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute; look at it and really see it; live it and never give it back…

STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!”

I have decided to stop trying to be everything to everyone. It is an unrealistic goal anyway. So, this is why I just took time off and booked the trip. So, was it spontaneity or running away? Well as far as I am concerned, I am too old to run away and anyway I will still have to return, so I will go with spontaneity. Of course, being the person that I am, I took my laptop so ended up just working from a different location. Small steps people small steps don’t judge me.

But this is also why since I returned (hey I did not run away) I have been spending time on me; under my mango tree destressing, enjoying the vistas of my island home, sipping a cup of coffee or a glass of wine on the deck, watching the birds in the trees, talking to my friends and family about all sorts of nothing, reading and laughing.  Laughing sometimes until I cry but laughing.  The type of laughter that comes from your soul. Because I have finally realised that life is not perfect, but it is what we have. So, enjoy what you have and make it work for you.

#asliceofparadise #ilivewhereyouvacation #thesefieldsandhills

So be spontaneous, get your tribe together or be by yourself but take a moment and breathe. Take a moment and be spontaneous, because we must always remember that none of us are irreplaceable at our jobs, but we are to our families.

BajanBrownSugar