I want a do-over. Yes, I want a do-over. I know that a lot of you out there want the same thing. I am not ashamed and you shouldn’t be either. Because sometimes it gets to be too much and we just want to find our little corner and curl up with our thumb in our mouth and let someone else do the adulting for a while.
Some days I just don’t want to hear “Honey where is ……..”, “Mum I can’t find …….” Aunty can you help with……., Mrs. H I can’t understand X,Y or Z” or any of the various variations of the above. Neither do I want to be one who always has to wear the “wicked witch of the west” crown. Always running behind a child, employee, colleague, family and the list goes on. Because being the level-headed responsible person is a full-time job. I am not superwoman. There I have said it. I am not.
So yes some days I want a do-over. But I have realized that my daily reality does not allow for that, so hence, in my mind, that is why coffee and wine were invented….because adulting is hard.
Do you remember fondly, as I do, the glorious carefree days of our youth? When you worked because you had to admittedly, but that was really it. No bills and no major responsibilities. You pretended to be all grown up, making your own decisions but as time has passed we now get to realize that the period of carefree partying and sleeping in late, was all because mummy and daddy allowed us to experience that time in our lives. The skipping through the rain and jumping in puddles without a care was because someone else made sure that our clothes were washed, food and drink was waiting when we made it home and truthfully that we were allowed to just be. Now it is our time and for one sometimes I want a do-over because being the adult is challenging.
For example, in dealing with your child the adult reserves are seriously tested. I love my children, but Lord the patience needed.
I remember growing up and testing the boundaries of my mother’s patience and periodically she would say “I hope that when you have a child I am alive to see it and that the child is just like you” In my naivete, I took that as a compliment. It wasn’t. Well, skip forward a few years (read decades) and I have a child who some people say Is. Just. Like. Me. My mother is still alive and having the last laugh. “de berry don’t drop too far from de tree” (Children inherit traits and attitudes from their parents) perhaps is most fitting. Really? yes really.
Loving, curious, opinionated and stubborn. Did I say stubborn? Definitely stubborn. I don’t think that I am stubborn but hey my mother says I was; my husband says I am, so I don’t have to agree but if they feel that way… huh… maybe in some ways I am. But now having a child with those traits, yeah, not so nice at all.
So now I get to say things like “Use the streetlights as your guide. When they come on you need to be at home or very close to being inside of the house and not now leaving your friend X’s house” because I have discovered that just saying “Use the streetlights as your guide and come home” means nothing. The child can be very literal when it suits his purpose. Just as asking “do you have all of your gear for whichever sport the next day” does not translate into getting up and checking or packing said gear. Therefore, so that my tribe is not forced to come to get their Godchild by proxy from my house, I have to be very clear and precise in my speech. Explaining that because your friends do it does not mean that you have too as well is also challenging. But sometimes we are both at the same place at the same time and when we do get it right it is awesome.
So I have set boundaries. An example of one that works is anything forgotten at home stays at home until you return. Homework, sports gear, money for field trips… anything. Actions have consequences and we are all experiencing this.
So yes adulting is hard but for the times when it seems over the top, we have Coffee and Wine.
Bajan Brown Sugar