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Pivot -sometimes you have no choice

A couple of years ago, I sat down and wrote about how our actions show that we continue to be enslaved in some way, or maybe not. I spoke about the fact that we are glorifying being overworked and tired and I committed to doing better because my health was at risk.

The universe did not believe I was serious and felt the need to give me a helping hand. On 1st May 2022, I fell. Now the irony of this is that someone had recently asked me about joining the growing craze to rekindle roller skating and I laughed and said: “Not me girl, I can’t take a fall at my age”. Those words were like a challenge to a greater power because a couple of weeks later I fell. Let me say that again….I fell. This is now two years later and I am still reflecting on the lessons learnt.

I fell and that fall cost me four months away from work, thousands of dollars in medical bills and many painfilled days and time, lots of time, spent in physiotherapy. But I also gained a lot. I gained a better appreciation for all that I have. It made me acknowledge that I have a lot. I have my family, my friends, my life.

My organisation did not pause for a moment. But I never expect it to. All of the “critical, urgent and can’t wait, because the world as we know it will collapse, projects” that could only be handled by me……. were either done by someone else or waited until I returned.

My family and friends, on the other hand, came by to be sure that I was managing. Someone did my hair…it was looking a little wild after a while (black girl magic there for sure), someone else brought over meals, and others did my numerous mother/child transportation runs. Still, others checked in to make sure that I was functioning and that my mental health was good.

And as I laid there in the bed/chair/sofa trying to find a comfortable position, I wondered…….What would my future hold if I don’t recover enough to continue doing what I presently do? That is when I saw a meme that said Learn how to Pivot because sometimes you have no choice.

As I reflect on this unexpected journey of recovery, I realize that sometimes life forces us to slow down and reassess our priorities. My fall was a stark reminder that our health and well-being should always come first in a world that often glorifies “busyness” and overwork.

The experience challenged me to confront my own beliefs about productivity and success. Was I truly thriving, or was I merely surviving in a cycle of constant hustle? My injury forced me to pause and acknowledge the toll it was taking on my body and mind.

During those four months of recuperation, I discovered the power of community and support. While my professional responsibilities continued without me, my loved ones rallied around me, offering assistance and encouragement. Their kindness and generosity reminded me of the importance of human connection and empathy.

As I grappled with uncertainty about my future, I stumbled upon a simple yet profound truth: resilience lies in our ability to adapt and pivot when faced with unexpected challenges. Embracing change can be daunting, but it also opens doors to new possibilities and opportunities for growth.

So, as I continue on this chapter in my journey and wait to embark on the next, I carry with me the lessons learned from my fall. I embrace the notion of pivoting with grace and resilience, knowing that even in the face of adversity, I have the strength and support to navigate whatever lies ahead.

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Spontaneity or running away?

Tired and feeling overwhelmed, struggling to function and not wanting to get out of bed.  Are these acceptable signs of depression or just an overworked body?

Recently I was feeling like if it was all too much.  I even asked one of my doctor friends to check me out, physically and mentally.  He did but that is a different story for a different day.  As we say around here it’s all good. But even with that he said, “you are working too hard, you need a break”.  But how do you suddenly take a break? My brain, it appears, does not shut off.  Too many things to monitor and challenges to address. Because we all know that “Cat luck ain dog luck” (meaning because something works for one person, doesn’t mean it will work for another) especially if you are female in a male dominated workplace. 

So, I made a decision to do something about it for me.  After too many days of wondering why…. why can’t you trust the people around you, why must everyone play games and not be upfront, why…just why. And yes I know, everyone says, that this is the behaviour to be expected as people attempt to climb the proverbial corporate ladder, but really…. must it be this way.

I once posted on my social media page the following “You all know that one day I am going to snap right?” and everyone read it and agreed because…let’s be truthful, they know me.  They know that I will only take nonsense from grown-ups for so long before I decide no more.  But no one realised how close to the truth that statement was. I did not realise how close to the truth that statement was.

As I started to see the writing on the wall I decided to step back and take a deep breath.  I also accepted a couple things

  1. Life is not perfect, but if you let it, it is actually alright; and
  2. Learn to be okay with people not knowing your side of the story. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

So, I applied for vacation and booked a trip.  Yes, I know, #Ilivewhereyouvacation but sometimes you need to leave paradise. Am I depressed? No, I am not. Has something different happened? No, same old, same old.  Have I changed in some way? Yes.  I took stock of myself.  My health, my happiness, me.  I finally realised and have accepted (yes accepted, smile) that if I don’t take care of me, I will drown.  I can’t take care of everyone else if I am struggling.  And I was struggling. So, I took off for a few days.

Everyone kept asking “are you ok? How come you just decided to up and go?” The simple answer was “because I needed to”. I am and will remain a dedicated employee, a dutiful wife, a mother, an aunt and a friend. But I can’t survive if I am not taking care of my own wellbeing by trying to be everything to everyone.  So yes, the simple answer was and still is “because I needed to”.  We all hear it so often but females more so than ever “your work/life balance is out of alignment”. So as much as I hear other people say that they will make lifestyle changes at some point in time, either due to health, mental or financial challenges, I decided not me, no, no, no. I am making those changes now.  Bucket list is being written and plans are being made.

Recently I re-read a poem written by the late Erma Bombeck.  Ms Bombeck wrote this poem after she found out that she had cancer.  The poem is entitled “If I had my Life to Live Over”.  Look it up.  In it she said a number of things that resonated with me, but it all came down to these words:

“But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute; look at it and really see it; live it and never give it back…

STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!”

I have decided to stop trying to be everything to everyone. It is an unrealistic goal anyway. So, this is why I just took time off and booked the trip. So, was it spontaneity or running away? Well as far as I am concerned, I am too old to run away and anyway I will still have to return, so I will go with spontaneity. Of course, being the person that I am, I took my laptop so ended up just working from a different location. Small steps people small steps don’t judge me.

But this is also why since I returned (hey I did not run away) I have been spending time on me; under my mango tree destressing, enjoying the vistas of my island home, sipping a cup of coffee or a glass of wine on the deck, watching the birds in the trees, talking to my friends and family about all sorts of nothing, reading and laughing.  Laughing sometimes until I cry but laughing.  The type of laughter that comes from your soul. Because I have finally realised that life is not perfect, but it is what we have. So, enjoy what you have and make it work for you.

#asliceofparadise #ilivewhereyouvacation #thesefieldsandhills

So be spontaneous, get your tribe together or be by yourself but take a moment and breathe. Take a moment and be spontaneous, because we must always remember that none of us are irreplaceable at our jobs, but we are to our families.

BajanBrownSugar

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Coffee or Wine……because adulting is hard

I want a do-over. Yes, I want a do-over.  I know that a lot of you out there want the same thing. I am not ashamed and you shouldn’t be either. Because sometimes it gets to be too much and we just want to find our little corner and curl up with our thumb in our mouth and let someone else do the adulting for a while.

Some days I just don’t want to hear “Honey where is ……..”, “Mum I can’t find …….” Aunty can you help with……., Mrs. H I can’t understand X,Y or Z” or any of the various variations of the above.  Neither do I want to  be one who always has to wear the “wicked witch of the west” crown.  Always running behind a child, employee, colleague, family and the list goes on. Because being the level-headed responsible person is a full-time job. I am not superwoman.  There I have said it.  I am not.

So yes some days I want a do-over.  But I have realized that my daily reality does not allow for that, so hence, in my mind, that is why coffee and wine were invented….because adulting is hard.

Do you remember fondly, as I do, the glorious carefree days of our youth? When you worked because you had to admittedly, but that was really it.  No bills and no major responsibilities.  You pretended to be all grown up, making your own decisions but as time has passed we now get to realize that the period of carefree partying and sleeping in late, was all because mummy and daddy allowed us to experience that time in our lives. The skipping through the rain and jumping in puddles without a care was because someone else made sure that our clothes were washed, food and drink was waiting when we made it home and truthfully that we were allowed to just be.  Now it is our time and for one sometimes I want a do-over because being the adult is challenging.

For example, in dealing with your child the adult reserves are seriously tested.  I love my children, but Lord the patience needed.

I remember growing up and testing the boundaries of my mother’s patience and periodically she would say “I hope that when you have a child I am alive to see it and that the child is just like you”  In my naivete, I took that as a compliment.  It wasn’t.  Well, skip forward a few years (read decades) and I have a child who some people say Is. Just. Like. Me.  My mother is still alive and having the last laugh.  “de berry don’t drop too far from de tree” (Children inherit traits and attitudes from their parents) perhaps is most fitting. Really? yes really.

Loving, curious, opinionated and stubborn. Did I say stubborn? Definitely stubborn.  I don’t think that I am stubborn but hey my mother says I was; my husband says I am, so I don’t have to agree but if they feel that way… huh… maybe in some ways I am. But now having a child with those traits, yeah, not so nice at all.

So now I get to say things like “Use the streetlights as your guide. When they come on you need to be at home or very close to being inside of the house and not now leaving your friend X’s house” because I have discovered that just saying “Use the streetlights as your guide and come home” means nothing. The child can be very literal when it suits his purpose. Just as asking “do you have all of your gear for whichever sport the next day” does not translate into getting up and checking or packing said gear. Therefore, so that my tribe is not forced to come to get their Godchild by proxy from my house, I have to be very clear and precise in my speech. Explaining that because your friends do it does not mean that you have too as well is also challenging.  But sometimes we are both at the same place at the same time and when we do get it right it is awesome.

So I have set boundaries.  An example of one that works is anything forgotten at home stays at home until you return. Homework, sports gear, money for field trips… anything.  Actions have consequences and we are all experiencing this.

So yes adulting is hard but for the times when it seems over the top, we have Coffee and Wine.

Bajan Brown Sugar

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Corn Soup for the Soul

So I like to think that I am a foodie. Among other dishes, I do a wicked corn soup. So much so that my fellow foodies have nick-named me the VP of Corn Soup. What is corn soup you may ask?  It is a refreshing soup that can be a meal. It is usually found outside of a fete or at a lime and was originally a Trinidadian and Guyanese thing.  But we here in Barbados like to share and copy, so we now have corn soup.

Now my corn soup has in sweet potatoes, pumpkin, split peas, English potatoes, vegetables, in fact, everything plus cream corn, corn kernels and small pieces of corn on the cob.  And importantly the bite-size pieces of pigtail and the pepper.  In fact, if a piece of pepper does not get “lost way”  in the soup something is wrong.

But more than just a great meal suitable for consumption after a period of drinking, corn soup for me signifies the women of my tribe.  You take a number of ingredients that by themselves might or might not be healthy and good for you, put them together add some heat and you get a masterpiece. We in the Caribbean, specifically the women, are a diverse group of individuals with our own idiosyncrasies but when tossed together under pressure, we are resilient.  “Necessity is the mother of invention” has always been one of our mottos. And although physically weaker than most of our male counterparts, we have shouldered burdens that they cannot begin to fathom.

For example, while sitting chatting with a male colleague recently I told him a few of my #lifeinleggings stories.  He totally could not understand why I was self-conscious about compliments until I share some of those stories.   After listening to me rant for a few I had to stop as his “flabber was totally gassed”, he could not wrap his brain around some of what I considered everyday events. Like how to walk the fine line between being seen as gracious when receiving a compliment or being seen as bitchy if you don’t respond in a manner that the person (read male) giving the compliment thinks is appropriate. Picture this …… you are walking from your car to your office and some random person shouts how nice you look in your outfit, you smile graciously and say thank you but keep walking.  You are hailed as the best female in the area.  Now picture the same scenario but this time you merely wave your hand and keep going but this time you are bombarded with negative comments “who she think she is?”, “Was just paying she a compliment to make she feel good” etc. Now you are persona non grata. Few men ever experience this situation.  Few ever have to monitor where they spend their time, who they engage in conversation, which roads they travel daily, etc but we as women have to.  This is our daily reality. We are very conscious that “ya betta don’t tek a six for a nine” In other words try very hard to understand your situation and “Do not misunderstand a person’s real intentions”

So we all develop and refine our tribe.  That group of strong, confident women that are always there to watch over you. To tell you stop, check  or re-think a position but most importantly to hold you down when needed because to be truthful no-one actually looks good in prison stripes and they DON’T HAVE WINE IN PRISON.

My tribe forms the ingredients for my corn soup; and when together, either physically or otherwise we cook up a fabulous corn soup for the soul. Because we need it.

See you somewhere around a corner or at a lime with a bowl of corn soup

Bajanbrownsugar